The well-stocked car


The car: my dominion. I am the ruler of the car and master of all within. Sometimes, that's kind of a lot of riff raff. I don't mean my children or their friends. I mean the rotten fruit, half drunk smoothies and especially empty reusable water bottles. The kind the checker at Whole Foods was like: "Ma'am, do you realize those are $25 each?" And I was like (inwardly) "No, that sounds like a rip-off but the other ones look totally crappy and are made of plastic which will surely kill us all whether there's BPA in it or not. Also it is currently 8:59 on a school night so what else am I supposed to do about lunch tomorrow?" (outwardly) "Of course," with an enviro-green halo forming over my head.

But I digress.

I am the ruler of the car and in my regal powers (just made myself royalty there, but it's my car so I can do that) I have bestowed it with everything one could need while in the car. It might look like madness to my husband some, but it is actually just right. Let's take a tour, shall we?

Stop 1:

The Cupholder

In my car, there are 14 cupholders and no cups. Who needs cups in the car? In all cup holders, there is at least one hair tie at all times. Even if you took one out to wear every morning this week. There's still one there.

Stop 2:

Center Console compartment

We used to have CDs and DVDs in here when they were  a thing. Now, we have lens wipes. Perfect for when I pop my glasses on or bring them down from the top of my head with the inevitable smudge right in the middle. The great thing about lens wipes is, they are usually suited to cleaning several pairs of glasses, so I use this as a bonding time with my bespectacled daughter.

Stop 3:

Under the front passenger seat within arm's length

Here I find, on any occasion, a full bottle of water. Yes, it's plastic and has probably been heated and cooled as the weather dictates, or it is the cause of a parched child at lunch somewhere because it fell out of a lunch box (as we know, the $25 kind are rolling around in the third row, empty). It's probably cursed, is what I'm saying. But it's a full bottle of water and it's there when I need it.

Stop 4:

All around you

Everywhere you look in my car there are chargers. Just reach your hand out in any direction, and you will come into contact with a wire that can give your phone or other device life. All of the plugs work with all of your devices.

Stop 5:

Next to every seat, in pairs

Outlets. There are two outlets to plug in said chargers per seat belt. (Oh yeah!)

Stop 6:

Pockets on the back of  all seats.

A nice little container that looks like dental floss but is actually Air Buds. Wait, that's the movie dog. Ear pads?  Nope. Air Pods! I got it! In front of each seat is a pocket that has wireless ear phone thingies inside.

Stop 7:

All over the car

Hotspots. Not the menopausal kind. I mean those things that make the internet go. Are they do do with Bluetooth? Is there just one needed? I don't know.

Well, that concludes our tour of my (by now you've guessed it) imaginary car/domain. Looking back, it all seemed to be about technology, specifically the kind that keeps kids from arguing or complaining or generally interacting with everyone else. Wait! I forgot one stop!

Stop 8:

The DVD player screen

Here, on an endless loop, is a DVD of the movie The Jungle Book, the original one. If you look in the rearview mirror, you will see four teenagers with eyes on the screen. And, me, I'm singing along with "The Bear Necessities."