It's safe to use the bathroom again


Dear Family

To paraphrase former US President Gerald Ford, our long local nightmare is over. I know Ford was talking about moving the country on from the scandal of Watergate, but I'm talking about something much more important: Toilet Paper.

I am acutely aware that we have be suffering from a recession of sorts, in terms of toilet paper, over these last weeks. We've had to conserve, beg, borrow and even in some cases steal from our mom (me).

But now, we can be free. I have purchased A LOT of toilet paper in both strong and soft varieties. At first, I thought I would have to decide which type was the one for our family, not unlike Meryl Streep's character in the movie Sophie's Choice. But then I saw another way: why not give the choice to the democracy of the family home?

Alas, I distributed the toilet paper into the bathrooms and mixed them all up so we'll never truly know which is which. I was too busy trying to find a greatest common factor (or lowest common denominator?) in the following math problem:If mom bought four packages of 12 mega rolls of toilet paper and we have seven bathrooms, how many rolls should go in each bathroom?

Let A stand for how many toilet paper rolls I purchased and Let B stand for how many bathrooms we have. And let me tell ya, I still wound up in the bathroom after this purchase with zero rolls of toilet paper and only the receipt from the store within my grasp.

Maybe it's better that people are saying we should move away from common core.




Ill-Prepared Housewife

This post originally appeared on The Ill Prepared Housewife.