Pokemon GO for the 40something suburban mom

Alright y’all, let’s talk about Pokemon GO. Just like everything else, I’m in on it just about when everyone else is totally over it. But it’s so fun! I’m not going to tell you how to protect your kids from dead bodies and robbers and cliffs and such. That’s for noobs! (NOOOB!!!) This is about YOU time, mommas! Get your phone out because we gotta catch 'em all! You can download the app all by yourself because you are not an idiot. Here are some tips I picked up over the last few weeks while playing:



  • There are oodles of Pokemon in the Whole Foods produce section. I just picked up a rare Bellsprout Pokemon by the tomatoes! It’s a Grass/Poison type and has 16,397 stardust. I have no idea what any of that means.

  • Stop for PokeBalls on the way to Whole Foods. Some Pokemon can escape the PokeBalls after you catch them! Also if your video game skills/finger muscles are low tone, you might miss when you try to catch the Pokemon. One can run out of PokeBalls rather quickly and a PokeStop is where you can get some for free. You can also buy them for real world money, but I draw the line at actually spending money on this stuff.

  • Bring a kid and make them run all the way up to the actual PokeStop. They are not always accessible from the car. On a related note, I’m not stalking anyone by parking my car in front of a PokeStop (town hall, train station, that statue at the corner of triangle park). I’m just trying to get more PokeBalls so my trip to Whole Foods isn’t totally worthless!

  • Pokemon GO has a very rad theme song, and it will go through your bluetooth speakers if you have the app open and try to charge your phone in the car. It does make the everyday errands seem charged with suspense and then just calmly euphoric and then intensely intense with a drum beat, drum beat, drum beat POKEMON NEAR NOTIFICATION. So maybe close the app when you are in the car charging your phone. And don’t play while driving! It is okay to have it open though, because I think then it counts as walking for incubating eggs.


  • My favorite part of Pokemon Go is taking pictures with the Pokemon. I don’t know why but it makes me happy to pose a Drowzee with a Scoobie Doo stuffed animal. If you want to be in the picture, you need someone to help by holding the phone and telling you where you are in relation to the Pokemon. Choose wisely.

  • Pokemon evolve, man. Each time you catch the same kind of Pokemon, say a Pidgey, you get that kind of Pokemon’s candy — in this case Pidgey Candy. Once you have a certain amount of that kind of candy you can evolve that Pokemon!(just click around a bunch, you’ll figure out how.) Click Evolve when you have 25 Pidgey Candies and you get Pidgeotto! It looks way different and probably has some significance within the game. I feel like there may be a corollary to our own economy or maybe Brexit or something, but I filled up my brain space with Pokemon economics. Sorry!

  • Gyms exist in the Pokemon world. There, you can do something that I once heard can involve taking another player’s face (!) Avoid the Pokemon gym like you avoid the real gym.