Let's talk about sox, baby!


"Only 35 days of school until summer break!"

This was one of my kids a week or so ago. Kid: happy. Me: panicking about what on earth the kids would do over the summer (check out Laura's many comprehensive camp lists  here and pray you're not too late if that's your jam today.)

But even I am not such a grinch that I'm not looking forward to summer. Lazy days, fun adventures and the best thing of all, no stupid socks!

My kids  (like me) do not wear socks in the summer. That’s me in July and August, frolicking around in flip-flops, done with the laundry early because: no socks! But right now, I need to get four sets of kid feet in socks 35 more times (update: as of today, there are 25 more school days for Madison Public Schools). Here are some things I have to say about socks:

1. Socks must be worn with sneakers. Sneakers are required school footwear, because I can’t keep straight gym (ahem: Physical Education) days and I don’t want to hear it from the teacher about my kids’ shoes. Socks must go on the foot first, or there will be a smell so bad, even a lady whose sense of smell has been so dulled by multiple pregnancies and the ensuing smelliness of infancy times four, even this lady will be able to detect it. And it will never go away. So socks (launderable and also cheap enough to just throw out) before sneakers.

2. Socks must be changed daily, but not more than once unless they are breached by wetness other than sweat.

3. Socks leave the foot and then go into the hamper. I’m not sure you heard that one, so I will repeat: Socks leave the foot and then go into the hamper. Socks are not to be balled up in the mud room. Socks are not to be scrunched under the couch. Socks never stay in the bathroom, or in the bottom of the unmade sheets of the bed.

3. I want to be that person who is all “Whatever! Wear mismatched socks! Go on and do your thang baby girl/boy,” but that’s just not me. This one time, we actually bought a pack of mismatched socks because it was so darn Quirky. But then those socks infected all the other pairs and I never knew if it was okay to  pair anything with anything or make a subset of Socks that Match and Socks that are Mismatched and it all just became a little OCD for me. I think it’s great that the rules of marriage and gender are changing so everyone feels included, but lets just keep like socks together, okay? Just wear the matching socks I folded together and put in the drawer for you. How hard is that?

4. Socks can be a stop sign. Sometimes they are itchy. Sometimes they have a seam, sometimes they have a pattern on the outside that is squeal-inducingly adorable but actually causes and interior lumpy issue that some absolutely cannot tolerate. Most of this can be rectified by wearing the socks inside out. Some people even like to wear the extra soft, seamless socks inside out and to this I say, “Go ahead baby girl/boy, let your freak flag fly! You do you!”

5. Socks are footwear, not status. I will not be getting $15 per pair Nike Elites or replacing said socks with ones that have the word "vapor" or "LeBron" in their description. I'm sure these socks have important features that are helpful for the LeBrons of the world or others who actually put their feet on the basketball court. I only see those feet splayed out upon the couch around here. (BURN !!!!!!)

I can get through these 25 days of socks until the sweet freedom of summer flip flop season. I'll just conveniently forget what a pain figuring out who wears what bathing suit can be   . . .

A version of this post originally appeared over at The Ill-Prepared Housewife.