What Do You Mean, I'm Old Enough To Be Retro?!

I was in the mall the other day, and noticed a very odd trend in the stores. There were...Flannels. Flannel shirts and ripped jeans! Ripped jeans and band t-shirts! Band t-shirts and combat boots! Combat boots and cute babydoll dresses! Friends, this could only mean one thing. The 90s are back.

And we? We are officially retro.

kurt-courtney
kurt-courtney

Of course, not everyone who is reading this was a teenager in the 90s, but bear with me here, this is an identity crisis, and I don't have enough word space to cover the 80s today. Anyway, back to my freak-out. You see, as I was standing there in front of H&M, my mouth gaping open, in danger of swallowing a bee, I started to do some math. And that never bodes well, does it? Of course not. Let's look at the numbers.

fairuza-balk
fairuza-balk

I estimated the styles I was seeing in the stores to be solidly 1993-1998 fashion. After the remnants of the 80s had faded, and solidly in the grunge years. If you, like me, were a teenager during this time, (let's take a moment to sigh over the fun we had...Okay, back to the article) you were sitting on your bed making mix tapes of Nirvana and Pearl Jam, or Metallica and Slayer, or Salt N Pepa and The Fugees while wearing loose fitting, ripped jeans, a t-shirt with a flannel over it, and Doc Martens. Even if you were into the boy bands of the time (NKOTB, Eeeeeeeee!) you knew the 90s uniform, more or less. I think I spent the summer of 1996 in the same rotation of babydoll dresses paired with Docs every dang day. People, 1996 was twenty years ago. And the same fashions are at the mall, right now. Only now we're buying the jeans pre-ripped, the flannels pre-softened, the Docs are knock offs, and the concert t-shirts are from Hot Topic, not Lollapalooza. Oh, and we're buying them with our money for the children in our lives. How did this happen?!

my-so-called-life
my-so-called-life

Of  course, we know that time, she passes. And trends come and go. I am FULLY prepared for relaxed jeans to make a comeback, as the painted-on skinny jeans trend has got to come to an end before I join AARP or I shall lose my mind entirely. And the clothes of the 90s? They were so, so rad. I think we need to zip our lips and not let on that we think this trend is cool, or the kids will never, ever wear them. Nope, we have to tut-tut and sigh and roll our eyes, and tell them that we do NOT approve, young lady/young man, and you will not be leaving the house dressed like a hobo, and when they roll their eyes at us and flounce out with their friends, we can high five each other and giggle about the days before the internet and cell phones existed and we all wore Revlon Rum Raisin lipstick and OMG, you guys, do you think Rum Raisin lipstick is coming back? Eeeeeeee, the 90s were so rockin'!

Ahem. I mean, yes, it looks like we're retro. And that? Is pretty cool.