The Five Stages of Going To Target, Explained

We all know the drill. We need something, just one thing at Target, just some 9 volt batteries. No more, no less. In and out we will go! One aisle, one item, and we're out. Yeah, right.

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STAGE ONE: DENIAL.

There is nothing else I need today. I can walk all the aisles, just to see what else is there! I always walk all the aisles, it doesn't mean I'm going to buy anything! I'm a grown adult, I can do this. There is absolutely nothing else I need, so there will be no need to buy anything. That's it. Just walk through all the aisles because that's what you always do, there's no reason at all to buy anything you didn't come to get. Because you came for one thing, and that's all you're going to do. One thing! That's all. It doesn't matter how many aisles you walk through, because you came here for. One. Thing.

STAGE TWO: ANGER

I can't believe all these things are on sale. And I can't believe my family goes through paper towels so fast! How dare they! Those things cost money, dangit, and here I am, so I might as well get them, because my family doesn't know how to use a dang handtowel, OH NO, they have to use paper towels every dang time, and do they buy the paper towels? They do NOT. Okay, paper towels. And hand soap. And dammit, I might as well buy some toilet paper, since SOME PEOPLE need a metric ton of it to use every time they go to the bathroom, and speaking of bathrooms, let's go over to the home decorating section and I CAME IN FOR ONE THING, DANGIT, this is INFURIATING.

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STAGE THREE: BARGAINING

Okay, if I just go through home goods I'm still fine. It's not like I went through clothes, or makeup, right? Just home goods, and ooooh, okay that's right by groceries, so I should go through those aisles too, since some people in my house think cereal and milk is FREE, so okay, home goods and groceries, that's all so I'm totally fine. No need to go through any other aisles. Okay so maybe the drugstore section, and groceries and home goods, but not clothes or electronics, or toys. I'm fine, I'm totally fine as long as I don't go over to those sections. I'm good. No problem.

STAGE FOUR: DEPRESSION

I can't believe I have gone all through the store. Again. My cart is so stuffed with other things I had no desire or need to get, again. Again! I am so upset. This was not supposed to happen. I can't be trusted to shop, this is a nightmare. Why can't I just go into a store like a normal person and just...I am so effing depressed. I can't believe I let this happen again. And what did I actually come in here for, anyway? 9 volt batteries? Are they even IN the cart? I can't remember anymore, this is going to cost a fortune, I'm living a nightmare.

STAGE FIVE: ACCEPTANCE

"Charge it please." Yep, see you next time, Target. I think I forgot something. Oh well, I might have forgotten the batteries, but this chenille robe is the bees' knees. Ooooh, Starbucks!