Dogs -- they are just like kids

Our puppy Bonnie is just about six month old now, but when we first got her, we were getting up with her in the middle of the night to let her out to go to the bathroom. In my sleep deprived state, the thought occurred to me that this was exactly like that time, 10 or more years ago, when I had, you know, human babies who woke up in the middle of the night. But now that we’ve been dog owners for four months (we got her when she was 2 months old) its cleared all the time how much she’s like another child.

To wit:
You gotta take them to the doctor every few weeks at first for inoculations. And just like the pediatricians, everyone in your office coos over how cute your baby is and comments on how big they’ve gotten.

Non human detail: My kids never peed on the floor when the doctor gave them a pat on the head.

They can’t be left alone: It turns out that relative who would say they couldn’t come visit because they couldn’t find a dog sitter were probably telling the truth. Dogs need you to be with them practically all the time. Especially puppies, who basically can’t go without a potty break for more than an hour or two.

Non human detail: potty training a dog takes a few gentle suggestions, unlike potty training a human toddler, who don’t ever take any suggestions on any subject, in my experience.

Nubs of bully sticks (a dog treat that starts our like a long stick and gets slowly chewed down) are just like legos when you step on them with bare feet. Remember that parents of human children?

Non human detail: dogs use their teeth to break everything down to nub size or smaller. Kids will also use their hands and opposable thumb to do this.

They both go to kindergarten. That’s right, dogs go to school too. They have to learn how to be, just like human kids, and there’s even a tuition bill.


Non human detail: instead of dropping the dog off, you gotta stay with them. Sometimes I think the student in puppy kindergarten is actually me.

They are always incredibly, shockingly, adorably thrilled to see you every time you walk in the door.

Non human detail: dogs never seem to outgrow their love of you on site.

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