And just like that...
Aunt Prudy passed away 5 months ago. It's hard to believe she's been gone since July. On one hand it feels like it's been forever... but then on the other hand we're still just dealing.
Today was Aunt Prudy's birthday. She would have been 86. We would have made cupcakes for her. The girls probably would have insisted that they be pink. We would have taken her out for dinner.
Instead, we just talked about Aunt Prudy a little bit. We talked about taking flowers to the cemetery for her... but it was such a busy day... so we're going to go tomorrow. We remembered though, and we thought of her.
Tonight I did bedtime with the girls. It was the usual bedtime. Potty. Teeth brushing. 3 of us cuddled on the bed to read 2 books. Prayers (ending with blessing all of our family included "and God Bless Aunt Prudy and make her memory to be eternal.") Ana off to bed in her room. Zoe back to bed in her room with a little extra cuddle time (Zoe wants it... Ana doesn't). While laying in the dark there are always little end of the day conversations. Usually happy and fluffy rememberings of the day or plans for the next day. Today was also rememberings but it was deeper. More.
Zoe - "Remember when you told me that Aunt Prudy died? And you cried a lot?"
Me - "Yes, I was very sad. I missed her very much. I still do."
Zoe - "I miss her too. I wish she didn't die."
Me - "I know."
Zoe - "You know, a piece of me broke. (pause) A piece of my heart broke and it's with Aunt Prudy."
And just like that... my heart was shattered into a million tiny pieces.
I could hear tears in the dark. My cheeks were wet while I tried not to sniffle and sob. The conversation continued with questions about my heart... and if I have a piece with Aunt Prudy, too. Did I also have a piece of my heart broken for Uncle Jig (Aunt Prudy's husband who died long before Zoe was born). Zoe also told me that Aunt Prudy must have lots of cuts in her heart... since she had to leave us all here. We talked and we talked. Much longer than I usually allow at bedtime. I comforted her, like moms do. We kept remembering a little more. We talked about how we missed Aunt Prudy at Christmas at our house. We talked about how Aunt Prudy must have watched us open our presents. We talked about what Christmas must be like in Heaven. We slowly switched topics and ended the "goodnight" on a lighter happier note... one involving New Year's Eve parties and staying up really late playing with cousins.
A piece of me broke. A piece of my heart broke and it's upstairs with Zoe.